COPYRIGHT
The content of this interview comes from interview reporter Thomas, who has obtained his oral authorization. The official signature and source will be clearly marked after confirmation by both parties; before that, it is limited to the internal/platform use of this project. Please do not reprint or quote without permission. For further information, please contact: mail@mtf.report
EDITOR'S NOTE
In this interview, she frankly talked about the subtle changes in body and psychology, the fierce pulling with her parents, and the urgent pressure to complete scientific research and study. Her story is not dramatic, instead, it truly reflects the real difficulties and trade-offs facing by many young MtFs in China when seeking physical and mental unity. We present this dialogue truthfully. I hope that readers can feel her firm efforts for the future in the plain narrative, and have better understanding and supporting for the situation of this group of people.
TRANSLATOR'S NOTE
Due to the fact that some of the words used in the dialogue are unique to Chinese, the relevant sentences have been appropriately adjusted according to the context and context to express the meaning of the original text, without being translated word for word.
Transcript
Q Hello and thank you for accepting this interview. Firstly, when did you start hormonal replacement therapy (HRT)?
A I began at Feburary 24, 2025. This date is easy to memorize because it's the third anniversary of the conflict between Russia and Ukraine.
Q All right. Why did you decided to start?
A There are two main reasons. First, I don't like my own designated gender for a long time. Second, my willingness to retain fertility is lower than my willingness to change the gender. On this basis, I thought I have already achieved all the preconditions, so I decided to start (although in fact, I did not fully achieve it, but the situation at that time was not bad).
Q So your sexual orientation is...?
A Bisexual, I guess. Before HRT, my acceptance to male/female is about 1/9, currently about 4.5/5.5.
Q During this period, I wonder your age, and is there any changes between your height and weight?
A 24 years old. Height 179cm, and my weight dropped from 85kg to 76kg.
Q Do you have plan having SRS? And if it's convenient, can you talk about your current economic situation?
A I have this plan. But at present, my bank card is still at home, so I have to find a way to get it first. If I can get all my savings, it should reach or be close to the cost of SRS surgery. However, my current situation is not suitable for immediate preparation for SRS.
Q What are the main difficulties you are facing now?
A There are two main aspects. First, my ID card is still with my parents, and I need to take a certain risk to obtain it. Second, the pressure of scientific research. Compared with the pursuit of gender identity, it is more important for me to produce scientific research results and graduate smoothly. Because this is not only a necessary condition for graduation, but also a bargaining chip for me to negotiate with my parents and tutors.
Q I hope everything goes well for you. Can you introduce your emotional experience in detail?
A It is basically zero (Ø). Maybe I liked two or three girls in primary and secondary school, but I didn't say it. In college, I also fantasized about some boys... but basically stayed at the fantasy level.
Q OK, I got it. So, what are the physical and psychological changes after you began your HRT?
APhysically: I was a little dizzy on the first day, but I felt better later. There will be no more germ cells in about a month, and the breast will develop a little. The strength may be a little less, but it doesn't seem to be obvious at present. Psychologically: My social desire has increased, and the whole has become more extroverted. The "tail" of emotions seems to be a little longer, and emotions will last longer.
Q You mentioned the conflict with your family. Can you tell me in detail about your "come out" experience?
A I informed my parents directly after having HRT for about a week, because I don't think it would be better to hide until the holiday and be found out than to tell them directly now. But parents didn't pay much attention to it at this time, focusing on appeasing me. It was not until two weeks later that I said that I was going to issue a diagnosis certificate (susceptibility) that they found out that I was serious, so the conflict broke out.
After that, I easily obtained the diagnosis certificate in Shanghai and explained my plan to my parents, and the conflict escalated further. On April 26, my father directly proposed to break off the relationship, and I directly agreed. According to my mother, he repented later, probably because he didn't expect that I had no retention at all.
On May 3, my mother accompanied me to the Shanghai Mental Health Center and obtained a diagnosis certificate under the explicit opposition of my parents. Then we talked to my father on the phone at night, and we reached a compromise: my father wanted me to consider SRS after I found a stable job, and now I am wearing a neutral outfit to complete my studies. Although this is different from my plan, I think it is beneficial to repair the relationship, so I pretended to agree. At present, I am temporarily in a period of conflicting silence, and I have a phone call with my family once a week.
Q OK, I got it. The main content of the interview has been completed. Is there anything else you want to share?
A Well, let's say what comes to mind. One of my undergraduate roommates was MtF. At that time, I was still in a state of "deep cabinet" (hide deeply) and "mess", so she didn't recognize me until graduation. She is in a very bad condition... I won't describe the specific situation. However, because she has a competition medal, she is now working as a competition lecturer in a second-tier city, and her income is as high as that of the doctoral queen of our research group (sour). This story tells us that "little barrel" (nickname of the transgender women's community), don't give up your studies, and wish you all a bright future!
Q Do you think if she has any influence on you?
A I don't think there is any significant influence, because my condition was also very bad at that time, so I didn't take her as a reference, and even took a little respectful attitude (probably be afraid of being harmed by irrational behavior?). At that time, my understanding was: "Ah, is transgender like this?" When I describe her to others, I will say, "She is under too much psychological pressure because of gender identity problems." In fact, I also have this problem, but I'm not so stressed.
Q Thank you for your frank answers today. This is the end of our interview. Thank you very much.
A OK, you're welcome.